It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything of substance and forethought. It’s been a long time since I’ve even signed into this blog. I think it’s finally time to return to this outlet. I’m really not sure why I left in the first place. I’ve spent the last year distracting myself from thought and self growth for reasons of which I’m not clear. I didn’t know where I was going in life so I went outside of myself rather than deal with it. Desperately seeking beauty in the words and actions of others when what I really needed to do was seek reality and solace in my own. Lately that lack of involvement with myself has been manifesting itself in some some not so beautiful ways. I’ve pushed away some people I care very much about. I’ve silenced my inner dialogue.
I’ve lost a grip on the higher purpose I used to feel. I’ve accomplished so many goals yet feel like I’ve not accomplished nearly enough. Not whatever it was I was created to do. It’s left me feeling apathetic and confused. Every human being needs a higher purpose (just ask Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning… In fact, I beg you to. You’ll be reading it along with me).
The trick in our modern age complete with its overwhelming choices is finding out just what your purpose is. For some people it comes with religion, sometimes with education, career, with having children, with achieving something no one ever has. Sometimes unfortunately it even manifests itself in uglier ways, in hatred or warfare. For me, well.. I once thought it was education and learning the world. Now I’m not so sure.
The most challenging task in this life is figuring out what drives you, finding it inside of yourself. Your self-contained destiny. Because that is all up to you and only you. This is my new goal. I’ve begun today.